Watching What You Say

I´m going to have a little bit of a rant here, so before I begin, a bit of good news is we´ll FINALLY be moving into our new house in the next 2-3 weeks, hopefully we´ll find out tomorrow the date to finalise the sale!! My pinterest House folder is growing by the second and i´ve already mentally spent more money than we´ve got so it´s safe to say i´m pretty excited to be in our own space again!

Now here comes the rant...

At least once a week I/we get asked the question "When are you going to have kids?" Now, i´m a person with A LOT of patience but ENOUGH IS ENOUGH, it has to be the least thought through, most insensitive question i´ve ever been asked in my life.

I´d like to say to the people who ask this:

• You don´t know if we want to have children or not.
• You don´t know if we CAN have children or not.
• You don´t know if we´ve spent the last year trying, but not getting pregnant.
• YOU DON´T KNOW ANYTHING...

I obviously don´t say this, i´d like to, but I don´t. I usually do one of the following:

• Smile falsly.
• Say something along the lines of "Well, we don´t even have a house yet..." (Officially can not say this anymore)
• Change the subject. 

The truth is, i´d love to have a baby, we´re planning on trying as soon as we´re settled in the house but i´m not going to tell every Tom, Dick and Harry my business, what am I supposed to say? "Well actually i´ve spent the past year and a half with the alarm on my biological clock stuck on ring and I can´t find the snooze button!" or "Well actually some days I can´t even face to see children because I want one so bad, and isn´t it ironic that i´m a teacher and i´m with them all day?!" 

You should never ask someone when are they going to have children, you don´t know what that person is going through in their life in regards to that subject. I don´t go around asking single people "And, so when are you going to get a boy/girlfriend?" It´s insensitive, not every single person wants to have a partner, just like not every person who has a partner wants to have children.  

A little word to the wise, i´m getting close to snapping. Yesterday after being asked that question twice in the space of half an hour I plucked up the courage to say something i´ve been dying to say for a long time, I didn´t go full on crazy but the conversation kind of went like this:

Them: "So, now you have a house, when are you going to have babies?"

Me: "Do you know how often we get asked that?"

Them: "Yeh but when I ask, i´m only joking..."

Me: "Yeh, EVERYONE is only joking, it´s not funny..."

It stopped the conversation and we were able to carry on talking about ANYTHING other than the B word. Maybe I should pluck up the courage to speak my mind more often! 

No Bun in this Oven

Right now, as I type this, one of my friends is in labour. It´s funny because until I met Mr. Millennial I never wanted the whole marriage and kids thing, I have 11 nieces and nephews, I work in a school and I never saw it as being part of my future, in fact I came to Spain as the first step on my journey alone around the world teaching English. I came here to do a six month TEFL course, met my husband two weeks later and never once thought again about travelling further. (without him anyway)

I don´t know exactly when I changed my mind on marriage and babies, but I know it was pretty soon after we met... I remember seeing him with our niece and thinking he´d be a great father.

And here we are, recently married, waiting to get the go ahead that we can go to the hospital to visit our friends and welcome the new baby to the world, and i´m trying to work out if it is an amazing thing to have kids, or if everyone tells you it´s great and rewarding and everything else but is it for everyone? Is it for us??

I´ve been asked probably a hundred times or more since the wedding (a mere TWO MONTHS ago!) when we´re going to have a baby, are we thinking about it? Do we want kids? when? my mother in law even thought I was pregnant when we suggested having a family lunch one Sunday! Also it doesn´t help that I work in a school and all the five year old girls think that getting married automatically means you become a mummy, I get asked almost every day if I have a baby yet and if not, do I have one in my tummy? and if not, when?! I hope i´ve explained that it doesn´t happen like that, and that first we have to decide if we want to have a baby, then when, and then it has to grow for a really long time. Five year old girls really aren´t all that patient!

The thing is, I went through about a year of really wanting to have a baby, I love my husband, I know he´ll be an amazing dad and I wanted us to grow our family, then we got engaged and I still wanted a baby, I probably mentioned it at least once a week! (God I must have been annoying, but he married me anyway!) Then we got married and... I calmed down a lot. (which Mr. Millennial is really happy about because he kept telling me to wait! Haha)

Also our sister in law is pregnant, his brothers girlfriend. It´s their second baby so the pressure is kind of off right now, and the kids in my class are REALLY annoying right now, there are three weeks left before they leave for summer and they´re tired, and we´re tired, so i´m re-thinking the whole let´s have a baby NOW thing. When you´re surrounded by three year olds all day, it´s kind of nice to be able to go home, put the telly on and not have to keep someone else safe and fed and clean... What am I saying, i´m married, I do have to do all of those things when I get home, but at least Mr. Millennial can wait five minutes or half an hour for dinner, whereas the kids in my class can´t even wait two seconds for me to give them a snack!

All I know right now is that we´re enjoying being married, and babies are on the back burner, at least another year free of nappies and vomit and screaming in the night, but it won´t stop me enjoying the cuddles later when our new nephew arrives!